They should have monocle sunglasses

Combining the sophistication of a snooty Victorian villain with the pizazz of a hipster in a movie theater, monocle sunglasses would make even the flabbiest of computer guys look like a sexerrific murder master. If you see some fatass coding, you'll think he's hacking World of Warcraft. Give him a sunglasses monocle, and all of a sudden, he's hacking the CIA, and he probably has a twirly mustache.

This works with any profession, too. Let's try architect. Fatass with blueprints: building a McDonalds. Fatass with blueprints and one eye that's fine even in bright lights: building the Fortress of Solitude. More like the Fortress of Baller-tude, am I right?

You can also use monocle sunglasses to become mysterious. Pop one of those bad boys in, and then stare at the sun for a few days. Then when people show you what their fortune cookies say, you can reply, "I'm sorry, you'll have to hold it up to my good eye." They'll be all, "what?"

And what about people with one glass eye? Should they really have to waste their hard earned money on a lens they'll never use? I think not.

My buddy told me that they probably already have these, and I was like, awesome.