Ask Claxro!

Hey man,

I don't wanna get into details here, but I'm pretty sure I'm mustard. I'm not usually mustard, just for the record. That's not my style. I just...oh God. Oh God, man. Please. Just...just tell me I'm not mustard, man.

Tangily,
kthxbye

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Dear kthxbye,

You're not mustard. You know how I know? No mustard on the letter you sent me! Mustard would never have been tidy enough to not get mustard everywhere.

Dodged a bullet this time, didn't you, buddy? If there's a "next time," try looking in the mirror. Are you yellow and runny? If not, you're safe. If so, don't panic yet; you may just be yolk.

If it does turn out that you are in fact mustard, it's not the end of the world! You can have hours of fun by bullying ketchup (who I hear is very sensitive about his dad's overbite!), and you know that one kid down at the junior high who hates mustard? Hide in his burger. His hormones are going crazy right now, so who knows, you may even make him cry! I know I do.

In conclusion, trip fewer balls.

Preening gradually,
Claxro