FAQ: Religion

(I wanna faq you like an animal.)

Q:
If one can pray to Jesus to confess one's sins, what is the role of confession in the Church?

A:
Jesus is just Vishnu for noobs. Vishnu created the universe, but Jesus couldn't do likewise and had to get his Dad to build one for him like some last minute science fair. The dude was a freaking carpenter, for Chrissakes! Get some plywood, some thumbtacks, and some goddamned elbow grease and make your own fucking Creation.

Also, double the hands means twice the jugglin.

Q:
Why would God allow His own Creations to rebel against Him?

A:
Some people say Jesus was black. Others insist he was white. Vishnu, on the other hand, is dark blue. Or shapeless, when he feels like it. Vishnu 1, Jesus 0. White and black suck.
Vishnu's appearance should dictate the new norm for newborns: little boys get their rooms painted dark blue, girls are thrown into the void. Welcome to sci-fi China. Vishnu rules.

Q:
Can you recommend something in a chrome "What Would Jesus Do?" drinking straw?

A:
No, but I'll tell you what Vishnu would do: he'd grab twice as much stuff. All his friends call him up when they need help moving, and he has lots of friends because he is dark freaking blue. Have you ever seen the Blue Man Group? Those guys bathe in admiration; they can't hitch up their pants without making a friend for life.